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Fear and reality
Friday, 29 February 2008
I'm finding it hard going at the moment.
It's looking like the house may soon be sold, in which case we may be homeless wanderers for a few months, before we settle into a new home...who knows where? With two young kids in tough and uncertain times, I'm starting to feel very afraid and wary.
We have so much to do. So much to learn. We're planning to buy a new home with plenty of land - enough to grow most of our food. There will be lots of challenges, because I don't really know how to do any of that. Growing small plants in pots is one thing, but I never learned basic life skills from my parents. They never taught me how grow vegetables, how to plant fruit trees, how to preserve foods, or grow a food forest.
I feel so naive and useless and unprepared. I wish I knew so many things that I don't.
My friends and husband seem to have more faith in me than I have in myself. I feel so alone in this, because although there is a strong online community that I am learning so much from, it's not the same as having someone by your side who knows what they are doing and can correct your mistakes and help you.
I'm afraid I will fail, and my children will suffer for it.
I'm afraid I will fail, and look a fool.
I'm afraid I will fail, and the planet will suffer, and that the 'experts' are right, and that self-reliance really is too hard.
Maybe I really should just step quietly back to the mainstream, and forget about trying to make this world a better place by living the way I believe I should live - the way I believe all of us on this planet should live.
I'm at a crossroads right now, and see the choices laid out before me. When we buy our next home, we can choose the suburban dream and the high mortgage: three or four bedrooms, two bathrooms, twin carport, two cars, small backyard (easy-care, all paved over), private schools for our kids, credit card lifestyle.
Or we can choose the alternative: small town living, small home life. Small mortgage but a large piece of earth on which to grow all things that will nourish and sustain us.
We can spend our money on water tanks or fashion shoes.
Composting toilet or overseas holidays.
Fruit trees or private school fees.
Plasma TV or fresh air and living things.
I'm so afraid of what the future will bring. I wish so many things were different - that peak oil was a nightmare not a reality, and that climate change was a myth. I wish I could bury my head under the covers, or have some wise guru who can see the future tell me that everything is going to be okay.
I am just one person on this big world, but I have to believe that my actions and my choices can and will make a difference. And if there is no Heaven and no Hell and this is all there is in the Universe, then by God I will do what I can to make the right choices for this world, on which lives everything and everyone that I have ever known or loved or cared about even a tiny bit.
And that makes it easier.
Because when I look at the options, then I look out the window behind me at the blue sky above me, I know the life I must live, and the promise I must make to the earth.
9 comments:
I linked to you from the blogging with a purpose award that was just passed to you. Very interesting. I will be back.
Susan
Hi Daharja,
I think that we all feel that way when we really allow ourselves to gauge the magnitude of the problem.
You can't fail your children because if nothing else they will always have love and as much protection that you can afford.
You won't fail because being willing and open to learn when the knowledge is available you will pick up what you need.
The planet is suffering so the only failure is the failure to make any changes to reduce impact.
Self reliance is hard and not really attainable but its the journey toward it as a goal that teaches us what is important in our lives.
The prepared are not going to be self reliant we will still have to bring things in and community effort, skills and resources are the most important part of the puzzle. If you have skills relevant to a powered down society it can only do your family good in the long run.
Remember that you don't have to know how to do it all if you have shelter, food and water you have what you need to survive the rest is window dressing. Handy to make life comfortable but in Australia's climate generally not life threatening if it doesn't exist.
Kind Regards
Belinda
You won't "fail", and you know you won't because you are so far ahead of mainstream thinking and actions.
But I'm not sure why you seem to think you have to do this all by yourself? Clearly, you have tapped into a large online community of like-minded people, but I have to wonder why you've not mentioned seeking out like-minded people in your own local community?
One of the biggest issues I have with the way we live as a society now is the lack of simple communication and companionship we have with our own neighbours; we seem to be happy if we are just on nodding terms with the people next door, and possibly know their first names. I'm not saying that you, personally, are like this at all, but it's SO often the case that our neighbours - particularly the older generations - can offer a HUGE pool of skills that we can draw from, if we could only be bothered to ask.
Don't know anything about vegies? Peer over your (potential) new neighbours fences and knock on door of anyone who seems to have a good looking patch out back. Everyone I know who grows food these days is happy to share advice, and usually cuttings, seedlings and food as well.
Don't know anything about preserving? Get to know your older neighbours who might have canning units sitting idle in their garage and can show you how to use it - in return for some company or errands.
You've already talked about doing a PDC, you'll make heaps of connections there.
A post Peak Oil society is only going to be as strong as the local community bonds are. So when you buy your new house, get out there and forge some!!
Cheers, Julie
Hi and welcome, Susan, and thanks for the positive feedback :-)
I have those thoughts rumble through my head from time to time as well. Like you, it always comes back to being the only viable choice - for us, for others, and for the planet.
Unfortunately, Crazy Mumma, not all neighbors are a potential pool of useful skills or even people you want to get to know. Some of mine have peered over my wall to look at the garden. And I'm pretty sure they've hopped on over the wall to see if we are growing something a little more interesting - to them - than vegetables in our little greenhouse. We cannot wait until we can move away from these folks. They are a liability rather than an asset. :(
Hi Belinda - I think we're in for really tough times. I just hope we all pull through everything okay.
There's so much to learn, and it sometimes feels a bit overwhelming. Thanks for the support I need it :-)
Hi Crazy Mumma - We're moving, and leaving our community behind. But the thing that I'm concerned about is how fragmented communities are these days. We hardly know our neighbours, and it's not for lack of trying. People just don't seem interested in getting to know each other these days. They're more interested in what's on TV, and work such long hours that 'community' is a word they seem to have forgotten.
I'll be working hard to build community in my new neighbourhood, when we settle. But that doesn't stop me being nervous.
Hi Chile - I'm right with you on the neighbours issue. Community really seems a thing of the ast where we live. People mght nod at each other on the street, but that's about it. I'm working hard to change things, but the times are gone when everyone knew everyone and actually *cared*.
I think TV and long work hours have taken their toll. The consumer culture is alive and well, and people have more of a relationship with the people on reality TV shows than those that live next door.
An excellent post.
I don't think you can possibly fail because whatever the outcome of your choices, your children will always know that you made those choice for the right reasons - to give them the chance of a better future.
Good luck.
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